Self Discovery

Hi, I’m Katie.

If you are new to the blog, welcome. If you have been reading for a while, welcome back! If you know me personally, hello. I would like to welcome all of you to my little world.

This blog was born as a creative outlet for me, and turned into a place where I learned more about myself than I probably ever could have all on my own.

There are a few life lessons I have learned this last year:

  1. It’s okay to be a happy person who sometimes feels super sad, and it’s okay if you don’t know why. Everyone is allowed to be sad. Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.
  2. You can’t live someone else’s life for them. You can’t write their story, you can’t coach them through it or try to take their pain away, that’s just not how it works. They have to make mistakes in order to learn things on their own.
  3. It’s okay to walk away. You are allowed to take breaks from the things that you care about but make you miserably unhappy and not feel guilty about it. You have to put yourself first, even if it seems hard or selfish. Trust me, it is the right thing to do.
  4. Unless you are able to admire your own work, appreciate your own efforts, believe in yourself, and love yourself without a doubt, flaws and all, how can you possibly open yourself up and expect somebody else to love you too?
  5. Kind is the greatest thing you can be. Even if someone you know is rude and nasty to you, it is more important to fill yourself up by treating them with kindness anyways. They won’t know how to react. By always being kind, you immediately discredit whatever they have to say about you to someone else because the whole world will know it isn’t true. “Kill them with kindness.”

I have learned a lot about myself this year, and I am continuing to learn more about myself, and I thought so you can get to know the writer behind this blog a little better, I would share with you a few things I now know about myself.

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I don’t really enjoy socializing with, mostly strangers, but also with friends. Which is funny because managing your own blog is a pretty social career, but hey, all the socializing happens behind a computer so I am pretty comfy where I’m at. It can be exhausting, putting on a happy face so others aren’t nosy, small talk that leads to nowhere, and awkward silences when neither party knows what else to say. Which summarizes to be: A lot of effort to exert for someone who is perfectly content talking to no one. A selfish, shallow, and slightly depressing way of thinking about it? Probably, but regardless it is how I feel.

I will only socialize if I feel inclined to and/or I am comfortable. If there a few of my friends around and I need to talk to strangers, I’ll do just fine, but throw me into a room of complete strangers and nine times out of ten I will not say a word. For me, it is all about my comfort zone.

Sometimes my friends want me to go out and do things, and I have to actually drag myself out the door to make myself go. I always end up having a good time and I don’t ever regret my decision to go, but I don’t even enjoy the idea of socializing. Staying home with a pizza and watching Hallmark movies with mom while typing away on my laptop, then reading a few pages of a good book before going to bed just sounds like a much more enjoyable evening to me, and I have finally accepted that it is perfectly okay to feel this way. I’m a homebody, it is just in my nature.

I’m not very good at making eye contact. We have to be real tight-knit friends for me to look you in the eye. I just think it’s uncomfortable and I can hardly bring myself to do it for longer than thirty seconds. I’m the kind of person that feels awkward in situations that aren’t really awkward at all. I make the assumption that everyone feels as strange as I do when in reality it is just me making it weird. Eye contact just happens to be a prime example of that.

I am extremely standoffish. I wish I wasn’t this way, and I hope to stop being this way someday, but for now, this is just how I am. I have a horrendous habit of not letting people know I care. It is just something I do not even think about. I could easily send a quick text to my friends to check up on them, let them know I care, and I will always want to be there for them, but I don’t. Sometimes I think about it, but I still don’t persuade myself to do it, and I wish I knew why.

If I am upset or something is wrong, whether I know what is bothering me or not, I hate talking about it. My mom is typically the only person I will talk to about things like this, but sometimes I just don’t want to. I know many of you will say “Talk it out! You’ll feel so much better.”

Well, talking about it with someone else usually makes me feel worse because I feel like my problems are minuscule compared to others and therefore not worth mentioning. I would much rather drop it and focus on happier things, making other people happy, and it always makes me feel better. My mom understands this and always knows when its time for a hot cocoa or ice cream break, or to find something that will make me laugh.

I am silly, a little bit crazy, and whatever else I need to be to make someone smile. My main mission in life is to make other people happy or feel better about themselves. By being good to others, you ultimately are being good to yourself. By helping others feel good about themselves, and teaching about love and acceptance, it is possible to make yourself feel whole.

My sister and her beautiful personality are enough to turn my entire day around. What if I could be that person for somebody else? What if I could make them smile and help them let go of their worries even if it is just for a little while?

This is why whatever I decide to write about on this blog, I will always do my best to put a positive spin on it. Life isn’t perfect, and there may not always be a vibrant rainbow after every thunderstorm, but if you look hard enough you may find a pot of gold anyways. Whether it be in the form of friendship, love, a hug, or even just a smile.


So why I am sharing so much about myself with you all? Why do I suddenly feel the need to explain myself to you?

I know this place isn’t a secret anymore. It isn’t my own private getaway, and I know there are people reading what I write and I know now that it actually is making an impact on somebody out there in this big beautiful world.

I know the power of words, and I want others to get to know me so my message can be made clearer. Positivity is the key to happiness, kindness is the most powerful defense, and the love of everyone, the inclusion of everyone, no matter the situation, is the only hope for unity.

I hope you will continue to follow me on my quest for self-discovery and maybe even start your own journey to find yourself too.

Thanks for stopping by,

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Posted by

An American teenager documenting her life and the world around her one blog post at a time.

6 thoughts on “Self Discovery

  1. Aw I loved this so much, it made me feel reassured, that I’m not alone in my struggles >< when a bad day turns in to a bad month and you feel so much guilt for not being happy. I think being kind is so underrated in life, it's amazing to be kind 😀 it's so nice to meet you and read your blog! xx

    elizabeth ♡ ”Ice Cream” whispers Clara
    (I would love to follow each other on bloglovin if you like! :D)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so glad you appreciate it! You are absolutely right, I don’t like to socialize and sometimes I even dread it, but I needed to know that about myself to keep myself happy, and know that it’s okay to not push my social limits. Thank you for commenting!

      Like

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